By Briana Bass, Christian Romance Author, Devotional Writer & Certified Professional Coach

There’s a stereotype that every little girl dreams about the man she will marry. He will be a handsome prince, riding up to her on a white horse, principled and perfect in every way. He will whisk her away to a stunning castle where she will plan her dream wedding, after which she will bear him a succession of children and spend her days cooking and cleaning.

For many of us this dream sounds more like a nightmare.

There’s nothing wrong with the desire to marry or have a lovely wedding. I am personally a believer in true love, that there is one person God has set aside for you to marry, one person you are compatible with in every way.

But that’s a two-way street. You can’t expect your future spouse to be royalty if you’re the worst kind of fixer upper. I don’t mean that you need to be rich and famous but that you need to be ready for marriage and to know who you are before “you” becomes an “us.”

Jesus is the Bedrock

Raise your hand if you think the rest of this post is going to be a checklist of traditional gender norms women are expected to follow. I have good news for you- that has absolutely nothing to do with preparing yourself to be a good life partner.

I’m not saying you should slack on adulting. You should master the ability to cook and feed yourself, pay your bills and balance your checkbook, do your laundry and clean your home. These traits are applicable to everyone though, regardless of gender identity or relationship status.

Marriage preparation starts in the heart. It starts with knowing you are first and foremost a beloved child of God. Even with every other title you may hold – daughter, sister, wife, mother – your most important role is Christian. Loving God and following Jesus should be the number one priority in your life. That is the foundation upon which you want to build any relationship.

This Will Be (An Everlasting Love)

Where do you start? I suggest prayer and Bible study. Immerse yourself in God’s Word. Let it guide you towards the areas in your life that require your time and attention. This will be different for each of us. For some of us it may be submission to the Lord. For others it may be learning to love ourselves. For still others it may be turning away from habitual sin and toxic relationships.

Spending time with God reinforces your true identity in Christ. You have to recognize your own value before you can prescribe value to someone else, or you may be in danger of losing your identity. It’s easy to get caught up in love, in the romance and the butterflies. It’s a slippery slope to idolizing that person or the relationship itself.

What we look for in a partner varies. What should be universal is looking for someone who strives to love God, love others, and love themselves. Your future partner expects the same from you! It’s hypocritical to set such standards on your partner if you are unwilling or unable to put in the work yourself.

Teamwork Makes the Dream Work

You won’t be perfect before entering into a long-term committed relationship. That’s impossible! There is always room to grow as an individual and as a couple. You can, however, be on the right path.

Stand firm in who you are. Attach yourself to God before you attach yourself to a partner. Only then will you be the person your partner is looking for, or even prayed for.