By Briana Bass, Christian Romance Author, Devotional Writer & Certified Professional Coach

Raise your hand if you have been told singleness is a season.

Raise your hand if you have been told that some people have the gift of singleness.

Raise your hand if you have no idea how long a season is supposed to last, or how you are supposed to know if your singleness is a gift.

Okay, you can put your hand down.

In my research, I have come across various resources and advice for Christian singles. Some of it’s fairly sound. If you are currently single, it’s a great opportunity to work on yourself and figure out who you are and focus on your physical, mental, and spiritual health without the pressure of an external force such as a partner. I completely agree!

Some of what I came across, though, sent a shiver down my spine.

Single and Looking

A double standard still exists in our society when it comes to single men and single women. While some young men encounter pressure to marry, for the most part, society is perfectly okay with them waiting to settle down. A man could be in his thirties or forties and society calls him a bachelor and largely leaves him alone.

Single women, however, do not have this luxury. From the time they are teenagers, they are bombarded by relatives and well-meaning friends of the family about when they will find Mr. Right and get married. The pressure only increases as they age, and by the time they hit thirty, they are considered old maids or spinsters.

The majority of resources for single Christians are geared towards women. They focus on praying for your future husband, the type of man you should look for, the type of wife you should start preparing to be, and how to intentionally date to find a spouse. Again, these aren’t terrible ideas. But I caution you to be careful. Discern which resources speak truth, and which are simply trying to push a man-made agenda.

Love and Fear

There’s a particular section from Paul’s letter to the Corinthians that is frequently quoted to singles. “For I would that all men were even as myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I” writes Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:7-8 (KJV).

If you are a single person who has no desire for marriage or romantic relationships, you likely find Paul’s words encouraging. That’s great! I’m thrilled there are Biblical examples to support you. But these words do little assuage those who do seek partners.

The Bible has a lot to say about marriage. Marriage, and desire for marriage, is a good thing. The church has a lot to say about marriage too, and that’s where things can get dicey. Sometimes, the church over-emphasizes marriage, to the point that Christian singles make marriage an idol. Marriage is promoted as the ideal state; singleness is pitied. Some singles who desire marriage live in fear they will never find a spouse, or that they will marry the wrong person (this is especially concerning for those who view divorce as sin).

That’s where the concerning resources come in. They prey on fear. They pressure singles. It takes an emotional and mental toll.

If You’re Single and You Know It, Clap Your Hands

If you are single, and don’t want to be, you’ve probably encountered some of the same resources and advice I have. And you’ve likely drawn the same conclusions: so much of what is being said is scary, wrong, and sexist.

It’s okay to ignore those messages! You are allowed to cut out the toxicity in your life. Only God knows what your future holds, and God doesn’t deal in fear. Not knowing how long you may remain single, or if you will ever marry, can be disconcerting. Take it to God. God isn’t going to ask when you’re giving Him grandchildren, or call you a spinster, or pity you. God loves you. God will never make you feel less than simply because you don’t have a partner.

Friend, if you are single, you are just as valid as your married friends and family. You can contribute just as much to society. Your worth is not tied to whether or not there’s a ring on your finger. You are worthy simply because you are a child of God.