By Briana Bass, Christian Romance Author, Devotional Writer & Certified Professional Coach

I am generally a positive and optimistic person. I’m also a realist. I know life can be hard, and when we are in the throes of trials and tribulations, we don’t want to hear trite platitudes.

As Christians, we can struggle with finding balance between hope and acceptance. On the one hand, we trust in God. We believe that God can turn everything to good, that God has a plan for us and a reason for our pain. On the other hand, we have times of doubt and fear. Yet we can receive backlash from certain Christian circles who believe that if we follow Jesus we should be happy and joyful all the time.

Friends, that is called toxic positivity and it can damage both your mental and spiritual health.

Positivity Gone Wrong

Toxic positivity is not exclusive to Christianity. Secular groups and individuals are equally culpable of spreading this harmful mindset. I want to focus on the faith aspect.

There is nothing wrong with being an optimist! We should seek to find joy and silver linings in our lives, when appropriate. There are instances, however, when you are fully allowed to be unhappy, upset, and negative. It’s called being human.

We can’t be positive all day every day. There are situations where being upbeat is inappropriate. It’s exhausting to be positive if you’re simply not feeling that way, and that’s okay! Your emotions are valid. You are allowed to feel the way you feel.

Remember, even Jesus wept. If Christ can be emotionally vulnerable, then so can we.

Be the Change You Want to See

I was once told that toxic positivity doesn’t exist. Most psychologists, sociologists, and other mental health professionals would balk at that belief. Toxic positivity is very real.

If we pretend that everything is sunshine and rainbows when the reality is thunderstorms and hail, we do ourselves and those around us a disservice. How can we affect change in the world if we are unwilling to acknowledge that anything is wrong in the first place?

Blinding ourselves to reality is destructive. We fail to encompass the entire spectrum of human emotion. We fail ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities because we can’t see the full picture. It’s difficult to pray for people when you don’t know or are unable to see what they’re really going through.

Toxic positivity can take a toll on you, too. It’s easy to burn out when you spend all your energy avoiding negativity. Your frustrations, the very things you’re trying to avoid, compound over time if you don’t have healthy methods of dealing with them.

Embrace the Mess

Don’t fall into the trap of toxic positivity. Now, I’m not encouraging you to go to the opposite extreme and be pessimistic about everything. You want to find balance. God is with you through the storms and at the same time you can be afraid. God is with you in your joys and at the same time you can be stressed.

Take care of yourself, friend. Seek professional help if you need it. Talk to your friends, your family, and your pastor. Embrace your humanity. Yes, being human can be messy, but it’s in the mess where God does the best work.