By Briana Bass, Christian Romance Author, Devotional Writer & Certified Professional Coach

Confession time: it’s difficult for me to say “no.” I fear I’m letting people down if I don’t agree to do what they asked, or that I’m being selfish if I don’t take on my share of the responsibility.

What I’ve had to learn is that what I’m being asked to do is not always my responsibility. I also cannot control how other people feel or react if I prioritize my own wellness over their idea of what I’m capable of. I appreciate that other people think I’m some kind of superwoman full of never-ending energy, but the truth is I have as many hours in the day as anyone else. I can’t do everything.

It’s a tough lesson to learn. I’ve dropped a lot of balls because I took on more than I could handle. I’ve worn myself out, physically and emotionally. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve had a lot of fun and truly enjoyed all of what I’ve done. But hindsight is 20/20. Looking back, I am now able to acknowledge that I took on too much.

Saying “no” can be uncomfortable. I want to encourage you to stare that discomfort in the face and tell it to take a hike. I want you to be able to say “no” with confidence. Embrace the “no!”

Check Yes or No

There are multiple reasons saying “no” is the best option. Let’s review them:

• Possessing certain skills or talents does not require you to use them all the time. You are allowed to take breaks. You are allowed to use your talents when, where, and how you want. Besides, the gifts God gave you should be used to glorify Him. Don’t use your gifts in ways that aren’t Biblical.

• We can’t be all things to all people. Stretching ourselves thin is unhealthy and can create more work for everyone down the road. If you run out of time or energy and are unable to finish the work, other people suffer the consequences. Either the work remains uncompleted, or someone else must step up at the last minute, which greatly inconveniences them.

• Someone else may be better suited for the role. Everyone has gifts and talents. Your gifts may be perfectly suited for the work but maybe someone else could do the job better. Or maybe that other person simply needs a chance to use their skills. No one likes to waste their talents.

Not only is “no” good for you, but it can also be good for others. By saying “no,” you can provide opportunities for other people to use their gifts. You can set an example of healthy decision-making. You can take control of your life and your narrative in ways that please the Lord.

Stop People-Pleasing

Saying “no” may upset other people. How they react to your decision is not within your control, nor it is your responsibility. You should decline with kindness, certainly, but ultimately what other people say and do is out of your hands. We are not created to keep people happy. We are created to worship the Lord, to follow Jesus, and to spread the Gospel. In 1 Thessalonians 2:4, Paul says, “But as we were allowed of God to be put in trust with the gospel, even so we speak; not as pleasing men, but God, which trieth our hearts” (KJV).

You are not required to explain yourself when you say “no.” Will some people push back and aggressively question why you’re declining? Yes. Again, you can’t control how other people react. But you don’t owe those people anything. You can provide an explanation if you wish but remember that a one-word answer is acceptable. If you continue to receive pushback or retaliation, then I encourage you to remove yourself from the situation. That is no longer a safe place. You have every right to safety.

Say “Yes” to God

Give yourself permission to say “no” to people. More than that, give yourself grace. You are allowed to prioritize yourself. God commands us to rest and to take care of our own wellbeing. It is not a sin to decline what mankind has asked you to do.

Turn to prayer when someone asks you to do something. God will let you know if you’re supposed to accept or decline. If it doesn’t feel right to say yes, or you have doubts or hesitations, then you’ll know this task is not meant for you. Listen to the Holy Spirit and follow the path set before you. Don’t try to walk someone else’s road. Sometimes staying in your lane will require you to say “no” to people in order to say “yes” to Jesus.