By Briana Bass, Christian Romance Author, Devotional Writer & Certified Professional Coach

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“I know a sweet boy who would be perfect for you!”

“When are you going to find a husband and settle down?”

I apologize if any of the above quotes are freaking you out. We’re getting super real in this week’s blog post, so buckle up.

Single women everywhere cannot escape the humiliation and degradation of being unpartnered during the holidays. To put it plainly – it sucks. Instead of kissing under the mistletoe, they’re being interrogated by family members as to why they’re still single. And no second helpings of Thanksgiving turkey, young lady. You need to watch your figure so you’re attractive to prospective boyfriends (that’s sarcasm, by the way. Please consume as much turkey as you want. I’m certainly not judging you).

Being single is hard enough but add in the holiday season and you have a recipe for disaster. So how do single Christian women handle their relationship status- or lack thereof – this time of year?

Single and Celebrating It

First, remember that you are a worthy daughter of God regardless of your relationship status. God has a plan for your season of singleness. Embrace the freedom and benefits of being single. There’s no one to argue with about whose family you’re spending Christmas with. You’re buying gifts for fewer people and therefore saving money. You can leave holiday celebrations whenever you want instead of checking in on a partner to see if they’re ready to go.

Second, join forces with your other single friends. Check in on them throughout the holidays. Prioritize spending time with them. Grab a coffee together. Invite them over for movie night. You could even plan a Christmas party specifically for single people. Remember, single does not have mean lonely. The lives of single people are just as full and fulfilling as the lives of partnered people.

Third, prepare answers ahead of time. You know the questions friends and family will ask (see the introduction of this blog post for examples). It’s okay to have a short script ready to bust out when someone asks why you’re single or makes a comment about your singleness. This can help you feel less caught off guard and to better articulate a response. Here are a few options to get you started:

“I’m not seeing anyone right now because I’m focusing on my relationship with Jesus.”

“I appreciate that you want to help me find love. Maybe we can talk after the holidays, and I can let you know what I’m looking for in a partner.”

“I believe that God has a plan for my life. If marriage is part of that plan, He will make it happen when the time is right.”

(Christmas) Green with Envy

The holidays can bring out the best in us and the worst in us, occasionally at the same time. When you’re single, you can be both confident in your singleness and yearn to be partnered. One minute you’re using the talking points you crafted earlier and in the next you’re sulking in a corner while watching couples kiss under the mistletoe.

It’s okay to be envious of the couples around you. I know, I know, envy is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. Envy is also totally normal. If you desire a relationship and aren’t in one, it’s natural to be jealous of those who are partnered up. When jealousy strikes, talk to God. When loneliness hits, run to Jesus. Simply getting those feelings off your chest can help you feel better.

Talk to the couples in your life when you feel like a third wheel. Be honest with them if they are acting in ways that make you feel uncomfortable. It’s not fair for them to invite you to hang out if they end up excluding you. But remember that they have the right to enjoy their relationship. They may not realize they are flaunting it and hurting you in the process, so have a conversation with them about it. Set boundaries. Ask your friend if you could hang out one-on-one with her without her boyfriend tagging along. Let them know you don’t want to attend a party if you are the only single person in attendance. Being single does not mean you have to be a doormat.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays

Take control of your narrative. Plan ahead to appropriately reply to questions and comments that will come your way this holiday season. Own your worth as a woman, as a human being, and as a daughter of God. Voice your frustrations to the Lord. Engage in honest communication with friends and family. You have the power to tell your story on your terms.

Spending the holidays as a single person doesn’t have to be terrible. Everyone can celebrate Christmas regardless of their relationship status. Jesus is for all people, single and partnered alike.