By Briana Bass, Christian Romance Author, Devotional Writer & Certified Professional Coach

Nobody likes to admit they’re wrong. We all bristle when someone points out our mistakes. Logically, we know we aren’t perfect but in our hearts all we feel is embarrassment. We end up focusing on the shame to the point that we refuse to hear the constructive feedback that the people who love us are trying to provide.

Yet when the roles are reversed, we are quick to identify the mistakes of others and offer our two cents. It’s a source of pride to believe we are better and smarter than the other person. We think our catching of their mistakes cancels out our own mistakes.

God does not act out of pride when He corrects us. He offers us grace. He gives us another chance to do better. If we are truly following Him, then we should offer the same to our brothers and sisters. We should also offer it to ourselves. Instead of fighting constructive criticism, let’s acknowledge the love behind it.

Speak with Love

How we accept criticism and how we give criticism says a lot about the kind of people we are. Giving criticism requires kindness, patience, and mercy. Accepting criticism requires us to swallow our pride and to be willing to change and be molded. Both sides of criticism (giving and accepting) should stem from love.

In Ephesians 4:29, Paul writes, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers” (KJV). When providing feedback, we must be careful to speak only words that build other people up. The goal should never be to tear someone down.

There are many ways we can give constructive criticism. My favorite is the sandwich method. I start by saying something the other person has done well, then I talk about the area in which they need to grow, and I end by saying something else positive about the person. The idea is to not focus solely on the person’s faults, but to acknowledge where the person may be struggling while also celebrating their successes.

No one wants to be told they’ve done something wrong. There are ways to explain to someone that they’ve made an error without being cruel. We may not even realize that our tone or our word choice is causing harm. Let love be your guide.

Hear with Humility

So, you messed up and someone is trying to correct you. How do you react? Do you stubbornly refuse to believe you’ve done anything wrong and angrily argue against the accusations? Or do you take accountability for your actions and humbly accept the feedback?

The Book of Proverbs is full of wisdom that still applies today: “The ear that heareth the reproof of life abideth among the wise. He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding” (KJV). When we tune out solid advice, particularly when it comes from a place of love, we harden our hearts. We end up hurting ourselves in ways that may not be obvious or that may not come to light until a later date. True wisdom is accepting the correction, and applying its truths and lessons to our lives.

Be open to what the other person is saying. It’s called constructive criticism for a reason. They’re trying to help you! If you’re having a difficult time listening to them, pray about it. Ask the Holy Spirit to open your ears and soften your heart.

We don’t always receive feedback in the way we would prefer. It’s okay to be honest about how you want to receive feedback. This applies not only to your workplace but also in your everyday life. Have an honest conversation with your partner or spouse. Talk to your parents and friends about it. Be kind when you explain your preferences. If you have received criticism and are feeling hurt and upset about it, take some time to cool off before talking to your loved ones.

Do All Things with Love

Constructive criticism should be given and received with love. The goal of criticism should be improvement, not destruction. As the Holy Spirit convicts our hearts, we should convict ourselves and one another because we want the best for ourselves and the people around us.

Feedback requires willingness to change. Change can be challenging. But when feedback comes from a place of love, change can also be inspired by love. Loving one another creates space for constructive criticism in a way that encourages change without demeaning the other person or hardening our hearts.