By Briana Bass, Christian Romance Author, Devotional Writer & Certified Professional Coach

Married people, especially from older generations, make dating sound easy. They frame it like this: You meet a nice, attractive guy who asks you to dinner. The food is great, but the company is only okay. By the end of the evening, you either decide against a second date and go your separate ways, or you schedule another a date and give him another chance.

If only it worked that way anymore.

Let’s be honest, dating in the twenty-first century is hard. And dating on a college campus? Hard just became nearly impossible.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of great guys at college. I know several couples who met on campus (I said nearly impossible, not completely impossible). But dating in college is wrought with complications you don’t face anywhere else, especially if you attend a small residential college. Judgment, shame, and guilt permeate the dating scene. How in the world is anyone supposed to make sense of it all?

That’s what we’re going to tackle today. We’re going back to college, folks!

Relationships 101: Introduction to Dating

Living on campus is a bit like living in a small town in that everybody knows everybody and no one’s business is kept secret. Dating quickly becomes a matter of peer pressure with a side of judgment. You’re judged if you don’t date. You’re judged if you have too many boyfriends. You’re judged if you date a particular man. You’re judged if you don’t date the man your friends suggested.

Doomed if you do, doomed if you don’t.

I’m not criticizing your friends and classmates, or even you. We’re all guilty of being judgmental sometimes. I’m simply saying that it’s hard to escape judgement when you live in the bubble that is college. And I recognize that such judgment is not exclusive to college campuses. Your dating habits can be judged anywhere and by anyone. But you don’t always feel it as keenly as you do in college.

Dating on campus should be fun, not embarrassing. Changing perceptions starts with you. Yes, really! Before you can expect your peers to stop judging you, you have to stop judging them and who they’re dating. Set an example for them to follow. As Jesus said in Matthew 7:1, “Judge not, that ye be not judged” (KJV).

That doesn’t mean to keep silent if you know a friend is in an abusive relationship; we’re still speaking up when someone’s safety is compromised. What we’re changing is our manner of thinking. Let’s decide right now to stop rolling our eyes when our friend says she has date this weekend with yet a different guy from her economics class. Let’s stop pushing our friends to date men they simply aren’t interested in (and let’s stop getting offended when they decline to date him). You would want the same courtesy extended to you, right?

Class is in Session

Our next lesson focuses on how to brave the dating scene when we’re unsure of how other people will react. They’re still learning our first lesson about judgment, remember? You’re ready to level up. So let’s talk about how to approach dating when you’re scared of what other people might say about you or the person you’re dating.

I want to start this lesson with a caveat: if a trusted friend expresses concerns about your date’s behavior, particularly if those concerns are focused on your safety, be sure to listen. Your friend isn’t judging you. They’re looking out for you. That’s totally different from your friend simply disliking the man who’s taking you to dinner on Friday night because he’s a gamer or he supports a rival professional sports team.

Fear is a natural emotion. You are allowed to worry about other people judging you. It’s what you do with the fear and worry that matters. Do you let it drive your decisions? Or do you examine it in order to understand it and thus dismiss it? I promise this is neither a psychology nor a philosophy class! But it’s important to acknowledge that fear happens and when we don’t have healthy ways to handle it, fear can cripple and undermine us.

This occurs a lot in dating. What a shame! If you let fear win, you might miss out on a really great guy. Now is the time to tap in God. Find a quiet place and start praying. Ask God to give you confidence to ignore the peer pressure. (I also suggest double-checking with God that you should even go on this date in the first place, but that’s a topic for another blog post.) We’re laser focused on finding the strength to brush aside the negativity of our peers and start enjoying dating again. And where does our strength come from? That’s right, from the Lord!

Make Dating on Campus Fun Again

Dating is never not going to be awkward. That’s just facts. It stinks, but if you want to be in a romantic relationship you have to accept the awkwardness that comes with dating. Getting to know people can be downright weird and uncomfortable. But dating doesn’t have to be filled with judgment and fear. You should be able to walk around campus with your head held high regardless of which guy you went to the movies with last night.

If you want change to happen, it has to start with you. Take the high road and cease judging others for their choice of romantic partners. Talk to God when you feel frustration and shame around your dating life. Whether you are dating or not, going on lots of dates or only a few, you are dating in the way that is right for you. Let’s leave the judgement at the door. Kick the shame to the curb. Let’s enjoy dating on campus again.