By Briana Bass, Christian Romance Author, Devotional Writer & Certified Professional Coach

When it comes to men, I have a type. Tall, brunette, dark eyes, great smile. It’s not a wish list. That’s literally what I find physically attractive. Most of us have a type. We can rattle off a list of physical features we want in a partner. Or we can flip through photos of our exes and recognize a pattern. Either way, we can identify what we’re looking for in a partner.

Physical attraction and chemistry are important factors in a relationship. But that’s not the list we should be focusing on. A sexy man isn’t necessarily a God-fearing man. Bulging muscles don’t guarantee he loves Jesus. A man can be both handsome and devout (isn’t that the whole package?) but they don’t always go hand in hand.

If we’re looking beyond physical attributes, then what should we be looking for? What should be included on this infamous list? Great questions, friend. Are you ready for the answers?

What’s Your Type?

Before we get started, let me provide a disclaimer: men aren’t perfect. No man is going to check every single box. All men make mistakes. Just like women, men are sinners. If you’re waiting for perfection in mortal man, you’ll be waiting a long time. That doesn’t mean we toss the list out the window and marry the first available man. You can still have standards.

Okay, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s review what a single gal should be looking for in a man:

1. He loves Jesus more than he loves anyone else, including you.
   a. Secular culture tells women that men should worship the ground they walk on. If a man isn’t obsessed with you then he doesn’t love you. What a load of junk. First, can we admit how creepy that is? There are literally crime shows that spotlight the dangers of this. Second, a true follower of Christ will always put Jesus at the top of their “who I love” list. As Jesus says in Matthew 10:37, “He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me” (KJV). So put it at the top of your list, sister! You want to find a man who loves Jesus first and you second.
2. He puts his faith in action in tangible ways.
   a. There’s a difference between saying you’re a Christian and living in a manner that pleases the Lord. The man you’re seeking needs to put his money where his mouth is. Quoting scripture and attending Sunday morning worship or mass isn’t good enough. He has to apply God’s Word to his life. How he applies the Word will differ from man to man as each man has a unique calling and purpose. But sister, if you don’t see the fruits of his labors, if you don’t see him sharing the Gospel or clothing the naked or fulfilling his role in the Kingdom, then he hasn’t met the bar.
   “For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me” (Matthew 25:35-36 KJV).
3. He strives to follow God’s commands and repents when he falters.
   a. As mentioned previously, no man is perfect. But a man should try his hardest every day to keep the commandments. When fails to do so (because we all fall short at some point), he should confess his sins and ask for God’s forgiveness, making the necessary changes to not commit that same sin again. 1 John 1:9 should ever be present in his mind: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (KJV). The man who repents is one who will walk with you on your faith journey and encourage you to strengthen your own relationship with Jesus. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?

Stop Looking for Boaz

When I say godly husband, one man from the Bible likely immediately comes to mind: Boaz. The story of Ruth and Boaz is described as true love, a fairytale that ends happily ever after. Single women are told to emulate Ruth and wait their Boaz. He’s a God-fearing man, wealthy, virtuous, kind, and intelligent. He’s the perfect package.

Yet men shouldn’t strive to be Boaz. And if you’re looking for a man to be your boyfriend and eventual husband, you shouldn’t be looking for a Boaz.

A dozen Bible teachers just gasped and covered their mouths. How can I insult Boaz like this? He’s dreamy. He checks all the boxes!

I’m not insulting him. In fact, Boaz would agree with me that he is not the role model men should follow. The best role model of all time, for both men and women, is Jesus. (Now, Jesus was born centuries after Boaz, so Boaz would say model yourself after God but as Christians we know the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are one.) All of us should strive to be Christ-like. We should love our neighbors, think of others before ourselves, and trust in the Lord.

So that man you have your eye on? Don’t compare him to Boaz. Instead, look for Christ living in him. Note the ways he serves the Lord and his community. How does he share Christ’s love with the world? Does he shine with the light of Jesus pouring forth from his soul? Now that’s my kind of man!

Hearts in Your Eyes

A man of God is hard to find when you’re only paying attention to what he looks like. You’ve got to peek beneath the surface to see the heart of the man. A six-pack doesn’t matter if he’s not opening his hands to people in need. But that man over there, with sweat on his brow and dirt under his fingers, the one who’s mowing his elderly neighbor’s yard? That is a man after God’s own heart. Maybe he can be a man after your heart, too.

Put away your old list, friend, the one that secular culture told you to write. Pull out God’s list instead. Open your eyes to the bachelors around you. You never know which one just might be the man for you.