By Briana Bass, Christian Romance Author, Devotional Writer & Certified Professional Coach

I don’t know about you, but I need a nap. Working full time, taking care of a home, volunteering at church, taking care of parents or grandparents, working a second job, cooking, car maintenance, college classes or continuing education- the list goes on. These are tasks that many people undertake regardless of whether they have children. For those that do have children, some tasks will be outsourced or removed from the list all together. This often leaves those of us who are childfree with additional responsibilities.

We live in communities. We are part of families. A level of give and take is expected during various seasons of our lives. When I worked a corporate job, extra work was added to my plate when co-workers went on paternity leave or FMLA. We all jumped in to help one another.

Yet when a childfree person mentions they are tired, they face ridicule instead of support. “How can they be tired when they aren’t raising a family? They don’t know what tired is!” We may not be raising children, but we are still human. Childfree does not mean infinite amounts of energy. We get tired, too.

This is not to detract from the hard work of parents and legal guardians. Our society is great at acknowledging how you all are stretching yourselves too thin. Where society fails is to recognize that you don’t have a monopoly on exhaustion. Having children or not having children should not be the marker by which we judge whether someone is allowed to be tired.

Society Wants Us to be Enemies

Being a parent is a choice, and some people choose not to become parents. Both choices are valid.

Society pits parents and childfree people against one another. These two camps have been artificially created to breed resentment between them. Instead of acknowledging that we all belong to the same community, we are encouraged to draw a dividing line with parents on one side and childfree people on the other. Crossing this line is strictly prohibited.

Well, I’m crossing it. I am not a parent, but I do my best to support the parents in my circle. At the same time, I expect that support to be reciprocated to the best of their ability. There’s a lot going on in my life, too. I don’t have the time and the energy to pick up the slack because your child has a soccer tournament all weekend. Your plans do not trump my plans.

The parents I know would never treat me rudely because I’m childfree, except that society has conditioned them. I want to reiterate that I do not place any blame at their feet. It’s our culture that says parents should be envious of the exciting adventures of the childfree. “They can do what they want, when they want!” says society. “They don’t answer to anyone but themselves.”

My parent friends, society is lying to you. The lives of the childfree aren’t always glamorous. In the same way that stay-at-home-mothers are idealized on social media, so are the lives of many childfree people. The reality does not always match the fantasy.

Show Your Love

The reality is that we’re scared you’ll judge us, or that we won’t be able to relate to your season of life and we’ll be left behind. We could use your reassurance that you’re still our friends and you care about us. Love goes both ways. So here are some ways to support your childfree friends:

• Check in and ask us how we’re doing. A quick text or DM is enough.
• Don’t assume we’re available at the last minute. We have plans, too, and some of those plans require non-refundable deposits.
• Accept our right to say “no.” Just as you can decline invitations, so can we. And we are not required to provide a reason.
• Stop asking when we’re going to have children. Not all of us plan to have children. Some of us want children but are unable to have them due to circumstances outside of our control.

Members of One Family

Remember, as Christians, we are brothers and sisters, part of the same family. Some of us have children and some of us do not. That does not make those of us who are childfree less important than those with children. “For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office: So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another” (Romans 12:4-5 KJV). Our roles may differ, but our value is the same.

We’re busy living our lives just like you. Sometimes life is exhausting. It’s okay for us to be tired, too. It’s not a competition. Don’t let society tear us apart. We’re all in this together.